Friday, August 27, 2010

The Internet, Part I

Tl;dr, the internets rule.

Invented by Al Gore and pluralized by Dubya, the internets have become the new center of world communication. Technically speaking, the WWWord Internets came into being during the 2004 presidential elections when Dubya spawned multiple clones of the Internet by saying "there are rumors on the Internets." Needless to say, like all brilliant things Bush said, "Internets" became a reality.
However, according to the Bible:
1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
1:2 - And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
1:3 - And God said, Let there be Internet: and there was Internet
1:4 - And God saw the Internet, that it was kinda "meh": and so God divided the Internet from the Internets.
Since the dawn of the time, there have actually been two separate entities know as the Internet: the plain, old, boring NORPy Internet, where normalfags who call themselves Netizens go to do shit like online banking, shop on Amazon, play online poker and put stuff on like it was a truck and the Internets, (where you are now) where nerds, hackers and haters go to lurk moar, troll, flame, post noodz and generally lulz it up. Obviously, the latter is much moar fun, infinitely moar interesting and a provides a home for a diverse crowd of society's outcasts and malignant narcissists.
The parallel universes that are the Internet and teh Internets have very little in common, the exception being the Internets' primary directive which -as everybody knows- is the delivery of p3rn.
Though immensely complex due to the large amount of tubes involved, there are a handful Internet Experts, most notably Kim Jong Il.

The Internets are a place where bored, lonely losers from all backgrounds and areas of society whine to each other about how they're not getting laid. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. They are primarily used to transfer information between tech-savvy individuals across the planet. It is used as a giant dating/comedy website by everyone else. The phrase itself was originally coined by the previous ruler of earth, Xenu. They have, in recent years, evolved into the greatest MMORPG of all time, where players choose one of two factions and compete for either lulz or anti-lulz. This of course divides into many smaller classes and such, each with their own culture, ideas, and often language. In fact, the Internets are basically an electronic version of Earth - who woulda' thunk it?
Who'd a thunk it? Well, originally, no one. But, they're catching on ...
At Kansas State University, an anthropology professor, Michael Wesch, link mwesch is approaching the "Internets" from an academic view. And he's doing very well.
Here is some of what his students have made:

The Internet was invented by United States. The Internet was ruined by Al Gore when he wrote a check to some scientists to make the first graphical web browser. With a GUI now available, people on my main street could finally realize the limitless power of computing via AOL chatrooms. Though AOL is dead and is only used by women who haven't been forced by their boyfriends to use a better browser, it was the gate that let the retards in. Seizing upon these inexperienced, confused, and curious users, crafty businessmen developed Web 2.0, social networking, and user generated content (the common cold that killed the AIDS-afflicted Internet). Also, the internet is like a toilet, shit goes in and it never comes out. 

part one, credits to ED

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